quack quack

It's my last day at work. I've tied up about as many loose ends as I possibly can. And since I'm not going to be at tonight's fundraising event, I'm sitting in a very quiet office while my colleagues are out running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Do I feel guilty? Yes. But I'm far more comfortable relaxing in my office and am glad, at this point, to be a lame duck.

Since my doctor's appointment Tuesday, I've been rather paranoid about being dilated. I know I could stay like this for weeks, but the fact that I had no idea I had gone this far (i.e., no painful contractions) made me start wondering whether by the time I started feeling painful contractions, it'd be too late for -- well, some of the regular painkilling options, for one. And more importantly, getting to the hospital. So I've been fixated on how I'm feeling, whether the baby's squirming on a regular basis, are those Braxton-Hicks contractions, is my water breaking or is that normal discharge, was that my mucous plug, are my bowels misbehaving because I'm going into labor or because I had greasy pizza for dinner, etc., etc. It makes ya a little crazy.

So after a few days of feeling like the baby's going to just drop out from between my legs at any moment, I'm feeling a bit more physically stable today. Not sure why. But I like the change. Don't get me wrong, I'm still walking like a duck. A very, very slow duck. But it's nice to not feel compelled to keep my knees together in public.